Bigger

That sound
It was my heart
Floating in your hand
Unaware as you are that
You have it
We wander around
Fencing with our glances
That look you give
Swims like an ocean's haze
In front of me
When I'm driving on the freeway
And birds like angels
of the souls departed
fly above
I know that I'm fine driving
In this new place
I know I'm fine taking
In your gaze
For playing a game
Was the last thing I intended
I want to walk to your doorstep
And come on inside
Take off the weight of a lifetime
As I did
Sliding against the wall
Cold paint to hot flesh
I fall to my knees
And crawl to where you sit
To compare your hands with mine
Yours are so much bigger

Waves of the Ocean - My Vaxxed Review

When I lost my innocence 
it was like riding a wave 
like pinpoint stops on a train
each image flashes through my mind 
something there
language disappearing 
hearing that he didn't have Autism
hearing that he did 
seeing a checklist 
finding out about biomedical
sitting in a room 
with a 1,000 other parents 
at a DAN conference
meeting Jenny McCarthy
who was just another parent 
doing what we thought was best 
sharing our story
one by one 
looking into someone's eyes 
and they never said I was crazy
or an Anti-Vaxxer
that came later
with #SB277
never knew about media manipulation
until the indignities of being ignored
took over
meeting more parents 
many who had learned from our mistakes 
trusting
losing 
Congressman Posey 
certainly something
nothing
#Vaxxed
it was hard to hope for something different
then Robert De Niro spoke 
the moment I showed up at Paramount
for a screening
angels were directing traffic 
and I felt like we were surfing 
a long powerful wave
I had hope
as more and more of us
stood up
my review is
see it
see if you can explain why
our Congress hasn't moved on this
why our doctors don't know 
why
see if you can explain
everything you've been told 
if there is anything
other than greed 
and evil
on a massive scale
that affects us all
Vaxxed
see where it takes you 
call in the power of possibility 
endless magic 
and waves of the ocean

Snapshot of Paris

The thing about statistics is / after you've heard all the facts and figures / you still don't know any better / than you did before / whether you'll be the one / this should have given me cause for concern / my brother got drunk in Paris / and jumped in the river / he said / I think they call it the Seine darling / I said with a twist / he sat as the sun / opened up to him / like a gray-blue spirit / our lemonade sparkled / catching the rays / lamenting the end of summer / he did not talk of his girlfriend / and I did not talk of my past life / we just were

A Paris Connection by John K. Harrell

  

Bugs Life

How often are we the tornado
How often do we step on a bug
Slash through the air
Rearrange the molecules
Send return
How often are we the bug
Taking our time
Or do we try to control
That which is not ours to control
We are part of a migration
Of many legged bugs
Cruising together towards the sun
Towards shared purpose
Love
It's only when we fight the wind
Do we lose

The Calling

There was static in the air
There was a time where
We all knew what we were doing
Not anymore
At least the stuff they tell you
It all went
Out the window
When it happened
And we screamed murder
And got angry
The stages of grief
They tell you can
Take months, take years
What if you don't have that
What if you have one lifetime
Of reverberation
From that one mistake
Unless
We planned it before
Before we even came here
That this was
Our Calling

New Moon

It was the day I stopped
drinking
that I realized that life
is wide open
It didn't matter how you
flew
as long as you got there
Maybe the road was too long
I think there are certain
things that shouldn't matter at all
like money
Floating on a cold blue lake
there's always another wave
I walked with a crunch
that reminded me of a
far off place
Dried grass
in a hot Michigan summer
Birds and the chatter of
Poplar trees
My blue underwear on a
smooth stone
new breasts free
The moon lit from
within
drew it's shadow across
the water
It smiled at me perfectly
like you would someday

She Is Dead

What is this bullshit
That you have to suffer
To create
I'm level - flat like ribbons
stamp my feet
My eyes turn pink
lashes pale
Skin solid gone
ribbed ugly
I know they think I'm pretty and
I do
Sometimes
You're a model right
Then that man breathing into
my shoulder sighed
Talked about the weather
Hot Hot
No underwear, huh?
he said
And I could have
Punched him
Would have but
the door to the
Hardware store
got in the way
And I needed to fix that light
For the neighbors
no, guests
I don't remember the light
It went out when I needed it
Then all the people came
I could not talk though
How stupid, how stupid you sound
Don't talk
No-one hears you anyway
And then the vibration
Takes over
The train to
Con-nect-ti-cut
Power Ball Lotto
Blah blah million
Who are these have-nots
Still I'm quiet
200 down
Tickets lost
One chance in 160 million
180 million
My sister would know
She's the math whiz
I'm just trying to be
True
Don't you know
It's simple
2500 + 495 is
Three thousand
(well not exactly)
I say wait a minute
He says its simple
I say wait
Sigh, humph, dummy
I look at the lines
of numbers and math
Dancing sticks and stones don't break
Any bones
In my head
If I had a calculator
If I had a brain
I could...
Oh, they're all watching
You'll win the prize
You'll win
Blah blah millions
Fame, fortune, love, home
Dog, garden, warm at night, favorite perfume and pedicures
My credits bad for 7 years
They all hate you
The credit card companies all
lower your limit
And screw up your account on purpose
And then you're moving again
and there's no house, no dog, no references
from the landlord
What do you do in the city?
I shoot people like you who ask me
That question
I become someone else
Who's smart and funny and stupid and vain and tedious
That's why I stopped
And shut up
Do the math
Do the math
It doesn't equate
Sniffling
I cry
I die in my mind
Different ways
Like stepping in front
of a car
Or walking in a dangerous neighborhood
Late, late at night
But mostly I
just explode